Defense Weapons

Today’s subject is defense weapons, ones that you can use to defend yourself on the subway that cops cannot easily confiscate. The reason we need to have them available is because in New York with political leaders like Senator Schmuck Schumer, Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy, and the first HeShe Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan, there is a universal belief that anyone carrying weapons is bad and a criminal. This has as an unintended consequence, that is that when perpetrators who don’t obey the law are armed, the law abiding victims are unarmed and thereby easier to rob. Like infamous mafia snitch Sammy Gravano once said, criminals prefer gun control so that they can rob people easier. Regardless of gun politics, this writing is dedicated to maneuvering through the weapons mandates by giving prospective riders an idea of what plain site things they can carry that can likely keep subway thieves away.

The first item we are going to talk about is the short stick, if you go to a hardware or household store and buy an item like a broomstick or a plunger, you can cut a piece of wood that is preferably 8 to 15 inches in length and carry it at an angle in a laptop bag. This gets through metal detectors and doesn’t intentionally appear as something that is a weapon and most importantly sends a message to prospective perpetrators, it looks like a police stick. We all know that criminals fear police billy clubs so by carrying something like this which is functional as a solid swingable stick, you can fan off prospective perpetrators threatening them with the Rodney King treatment if they move closer.

The second item we are going to talk about is a metal hammer. The hammer is good because it is a construction tool that does not have a razor sharp edge. It swings easily, its front side can leave compression marks that can crack a perp’s skull and the back side’s nail pull can pierce a perp’s skin. When carrying a hammer, if a cop stops you, you can always argue that you are going to do a job on a house and odds are they will likely let you keep walking. The other beautiful thing about a hammer is it can fit up the sleave of a coat jacket and its wide end when positioned near the arm cuff will anchor into your jacket. This allows for instant access if a given thief approaches you on the subway. It swings easily, both sides do damage, and perps will likely run from it, if they don’t you get to hospitalize them, you make them sorry for being a criminal because most criminals only learn from being brutalized and violated the hard way.

The third and final item we are going to talk about is the baseball jersey gloves and bat. Baseball bats are popular in New York both because we love our baseball teams and because the cops go apeshit seeing anyone with guns and/or knives. If you are going through a questionable area on the subway, dress in any baseball clothes you have and carry a bat with you in plain site. Doing this makes you appear to be going to be play baseball when in reality you are carrying a weapon to fuck up any thieves who want to approach you. If any criminals approach you when they see your baseball bat, it says one thing, they want to be beaten to death, grant them the wish up to the point where they back off of you. The reason you cannot waste the worthless piece of shit who tries robbing you is because in New York City juries, it is unfortunate that people who kill in self defense are treated with the same respect that cold blooded killers are treated with. However witnesses tend not to be as sympathetic to the subway criminals’ civil rights as the prosecutors are. That being said if other passengers see a mugger approach you and then see you attack the mugger with a weapon, the other passengers will likely testify on your behalf.

All this being said, one can use these items which appear nonthreatening until swung against a man trying to rob you. Its unfortunate that from Bernard Goetz, the city decided to make gun access for ordinary citizens who ride in fear on the subway harder than easier. Whatever you do, do not rely on police for these reasons- the cops assigned to the transit bureau are the flunkees who couldn’t make it on the real street, they barely recover your stolen property, your description of the perpetrator likely wont be exacting, they could be on the take getting money from perpetrators, they wont respond within one minute of your call, you could be underground and unable to call them on a cell phone, and a lot can happen in that time period. Do what you can with these items, don’t listen to the flawed logic of upper class communists who make the laws but don’t live in the neighborhoods where people are often victimized and cannot legally defend themselves. The best of luck to you using these, most witnesses will come out in your favor as long as you use them for defense only, a gun or knife not so much.